What you will learn from this blog:
- The things you are annoyed with in your partner are often your greatest areas of growth
- Each of us has a purpose as an individual; partners also have a purpose as a couple
- At a deeper level, your partner triggers you because they care more about you growing to be the best version of yourself than they care about their fear of losing the relationship
Many people, including those who come to us for emotional therapy or marriage therapy in Singapore, see relationships as something separate from their work or passions.
However, in our experience as therapists at Intracresco, we have seen how a conscious and supportive relationship can play a critical role in individuals’ ability to succeed in their careers and purpose.
Here are 3 ways partners can support each other’s goals…
- See Relationship Conflicts as Opportunities for Personal Growth
Intimate relationships offer a great vehicle for growth. They bring out our deepest insecurities, which also limit our potential in work and other areas.
Often, the qualities in our partner that we are attracted to are the very same qualities we are trying to cultivate in ourselves.
For example, a person may carry the trauma of “I’m not good enough”, and this causes indecisiveness and lack of confidence at work. This person may be attracted to a partner who is assertive and confident, which creates chemistry during the dating phase.
However, when they get together, this person feels that their partner is “selfish”, always insisting on their way and not considering the person’s needs.
This person’s trigger in the relationship is an invitation to heal their insecurities and cultivate the ability to speak up and stand firm on what they believe in.
In other words, the things you are annoyed with in your partner are often your greatest areas of growth.
- Make Couple Goals
We tell couples we work with that they are not just individuals but also one unit as a couple.
Just as we make personal goals, it is also important for partners to make couple goals together. Each of us has a purpose as an individual; partners also have a purpose as a couple. This could be to build a family; to serve the community; or to set up a venture together.
Couples can also consider how to support each other’s individual goals – for example. by providing moral support; space, and expertise in areas your partner needs.
- Build the Relationship as a Safety Net and Strong Foundation
We can only give our best when our cup is full.
A safe and supportive relationship is like a springboard from which we can leap higher. It is a base where we can return to recharge and know that we will always be accepted and loved no matter what.
This gives us the confidence and energy to pursue our passion and purpose.
Conclusion
At a deeper level, you were attracted to your partner because you knew this is a person who would challenge you to grow. That’s why we may find someone who ticks all our boxes but we don’t feel romantically attracted to them, because they are too similar to us and won’t challenge us to be better.
This attraction to someone who is different from us creates chemistry during the dating phase, but it can also create friction and triggers as the relationship evolves.
These triggers are not a signal that your relationship is not working; they are a signal that your relationship is doing precisely what it was meant to do at a deeper level – to push you to look within to see what your partner is triggering in you, to heal that and become a better person.
At a deeper level, partners trigger each other not because they are self-centred. It’s quite the opposite; it is because your partner loves you so much that they care more about you seeing your own blind spots and growing to be the best version of yourself than they care about their fear of losing the relationship.
